Pioneers Past and Present

For LDS people, the 24th of July is a day to celebrate. The early saints of the Church arrived in the Salt Lake Valley on July 24, 1847, after fleeing from persecution in Nauvoo, Ill. Mobs killed the early Prophet Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum. The saints were forced from their homes because of their religious beliefs. The sacrifice that these saints made to follow God is astounding. There are numerous historical and historical fiction accounts about the saints who came west and some retelling later travels to settle other nearby areas.

An 1866 party of pioneers in Echo Canyon east of the Salt Lake Valley (courtesy mormonnewsroom.org)

Though the Church was restored in the modern days on United States' soil, it is a world-wide organization with more members outside of the USA, than in it. Even today, people still make sacrifices to follow their beliefs. Some lose the support of their families, their friends, their jobs, or their homes so they can have the gospel in their lives.

My grandmother and grandfather joined the LDS church while living in New York. Because there was no temple there at the time, they moved their family to Arizona so they could be sealed together--not just for time, but for eternity. This is a sacrifice that I am grateful for, and I am sure others may take for granted. As a result of their conversion, many other families also have the blessings of the gospel in their lives.

My best friend from high school made the decision to be baptized and joined the church between our junior and senior year. Her family supported her, yet they were not 100% happy with her choice. I know it hasn't been all easy with many struggles along the way, but she was able to be sealed in the temple to her husband and is starting a pioneer legacy all her own with her husband and her children.

Whether you come from a long line of pioneers, or you are the very first to join the church, the heritage of the church's beginnings are a part of your life and American history. The Church began not quite 200 years ago, in 1830, and has grown to over 14 million members with about 140 temples throughout the world. It is the 4th largest Christian religion in the USA. Also, it heralds one of the largest (and oldest) women's organization in the world, the Relief Society, which works to take care of one another and provide aid to people of all religions in 170 countries and territories throughout the world. The growth is amazing.

People like my friend and my grandparents and the early pioneers inspire me. Their examples of steadfastness make me want to be better. I want to have the faith and strength of pioneers past, present, and future. I don't know that I could have endured the physical strain of crossing the plains, nor the heartache of losing family and friends to death along the way. But, I am here now enduring challenges that are equally difficult, but in a different way. In a world where so many are struggling, I am trying to be strong in my faith and testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel. I try to help those around me to strengthen their faith and testimonies so they can be strong enough to endure the onslaught of trials in the latter days.

©Wendy 2013

Don't Fall Victim to Identity Theft

I was at the store when my red flags started going up.

I had been shopping for my son's birthday with all of my kids--who were also shopping for his birthday. After a grueling hour or more of this trip, decisions were made and we were at the check-out stand. When everything was totaled up, I swiped my debit card and entered my PIN. The card wouldn't go through. I was completely perplexed. We tried to run it again. It still didn't work. I knew I had funds available, and beyond that, I have overdraft protection, so I was a bit concerned.

Upon returning home, I had a couple of voice messages from the fraud department of my bank. I looked up my bank account online and discovered an erroneous charge hitting my account. I quickly hushed my six kids and dialed the 800 number from the message. They listed several other charges that had tried to go through my account besides the one I saw. *Groan.*

Luckily, they are really great about taking care of things like this and I don't think there will be any lingering effects--other than being without my debit card for a week. I have a small suspicion about what happened, which I will be further investigating.

I want to address a more dangerous form of identity theft, one that can have eternal implications: Do YOU know WHO you are?

There are so many mixed messages in the world that can leave us wondering or confused about who we are and who it is we are meant to become. The adversary works hard to distort our view of ourselves, mask ourselves with things that hide our true beauty, damage our perceptions. I see people every day who are seeking happiness, wandering aimlessly, never really finding what they are looking for in life.

Satan wants us to forget that we are children of God. He wants to cover our eyes, shield our minds, infiltrate our souls and remove any memory or feeling of who we are and where we are from. We need to work hard to not get trapped in this "spiritual amnesia." Don't let Satan steal your spiritual identity.

As with identity theft, we have to safeguard ourselves from spiritual identity theft. Necessary actions include frequent (or constant) prayer, daily scripture study, regular worship/church attendance and anything else that will strengthen you spiritually.

If you do not yet know who you are spiritually, I hope that you will seek that out--pray, study and ponder--and gain that knowledge for yourself. God does loves us, He answers our prayers, and He wants us to return home to him again. He knows us as individuals. Always remember that. Continually seek to know it without a doubt.

Protect your identity.

© Wendy 2013

Pornography Only Hurts the Viewer, Right? Think Again.

*This is a pretty serious post, about a serious topic. Just FYI.

I have been thinking a lot about pornography and the far reaching effects it has not only on the one who is using pornography, but to others around that person. I think too many people think it's okay to look at such degrading pictures, or think that it's not going to hurt anyone, or think even that they are not addicted and it's not affecting them. Or maybe they know it has affected them, but they think they now can't do anything to stop. Or many people probably think that the material they are viewing, reading, or listening to isn't even porn.

Really, I don't know what goes through the mind of one who uses pornography. But, I do know the pain and heartache and sorrow that happens to those close to the user. I spent my life with a father who was, and still is, addicted to pornography. I have to say, I barely know him as a person. I don't know if he loves, or even cares about me as his daughter (or if he is even capable of doing so at this point). There is no emotional connection--at least not a positive one. It has affected my siblings as well--even influencing some of them to struggle with pornography. It led to being molested. Ultimately, it led to infidelity and the end of my parent's marriage, a broken family, pain, heartache, and sorrow. I have lots of unanswered questions, unanswered love, and the feeling of basically being an orphan--at least on some level.

A scripture from the Book of Mormon hit me so hard, Jacob 2:35:

"Behold, ye have done greater iniquities than the Lamanites, our brethren. Ye have broken the hearts of your tender wives, and lost the confidence of your children, because of your bad examples before them; and the sobbings of their hearts ascend up to God against you. And because of the strictness of the word of God, which cometh down against you, many hearts died, pierced with deep wounds."

Recently, the Deseret News wrote a four part series on pornography, which you can read: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4. These four articles talk about some experiences from people who have been affected by viewing porn, some who have been deeply hurt by being involved in making porn, and also the legal problems around it. There are astounding statistics also given in the articles. It is a devastating trend in society. So many people think it's okay or 'no big deal', when in reality, it is a really big deal. Those with pornography addiction often have trouble controlling their tempers, become depressed or habitually unhappy.

Society is full of porn...or images that are really close to it. It's not just pictures. It can be live and suggestive dancing. It's suggestive or explicit lyrics in songs. You can find innuendo even in children's movies. Reading materials can be pornographic in descriptions (romance novels, erotica, etc.). Prime time television, commercials and other programming slowly desensitizes our minds to not recognize evil when we see it. Gordon B. Hinckley has said to "avoid pornography like the plague." I wish everyone would.

Because of things that happened in my childhood, it has affected me as an adult and in my marriage. I'm still healing. I don't trust many people alone with my children. We don't allow sleepovers. I am really careful with who I leave them with and we also have really blunt discussions with our children around the age of 8 about sex and safeguards that are important.

Painting by Del Parson

There are tools to help, but it is a long process that may involve many re-starts. Pornography is said to affect more parts of the brain than drugs. Another article about pornography, tells about a new website entitled "Overcoming Pornography Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ." It contains help for individuals, family members and church leaders who are affected by or dealing with pornography as well as ways to prevent it in our homes. I hope that if there is anyone in need of rescuing and healing from pornography addiction that they can find the help they need.

The Atonement is real. God loves you and wants you to be free and happy. He wants you to be healed. Jesus Christ paid the price for us--we just need to accept it, to use the atonement to be made whole and to heal. You have never gone too far to come back. It may not be easy, you may struggle, but there is always hope through Jesus Christ. Healing is not just for the sinner, but also for the brokenhearted, the abused, and the afflicted.

© Wendy 2013

Importance of Date Night

Think back to when you were not yet married, but dating that person of your dreams. You're in love and finding out everything you can about the person you would someday marry.

Fast forward 5, 10, 15 or 50 years later...

Are you still dating? In love? Getting to know each other better?

If not, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate and put in more of the work that marriage requires. Marriage and staying in love takes work--100% effort by both spouses, husband and wife. Just like a garden, you can't water it and take care of it the first couple of weeks of summer and then just let it fend for itself the next few months. It will die. Likewise, marriages must have the nourishment and the work required to be fruitful.

Since we believe that families are eternal, cultivating a healthy marriage, as well as happy family relationships, is paramount for my husband and me. Not only that, but the strength of families (or the lack thereof) directly correlates to the strength of our society. Our example of a happy marriage will have a significant influence on our children--what they will observe and later seek for their own marriages. It is our responsibility to teach our kids how to work at a marriage. Our attitudes will become theirs. If we show them that marriage is important, they will likewise cherish their own.

The importance of marriage brings me to the importance of having date night. Couples need time to reconnect--spiritually, emotionally, and physically--and some scheduled time is often necessary to make that happen. Here are some ideas to get it going in your home:

• Pick a night of the week that works best, for us, that day happens to be Friday. Be consistent and make it happen. It can be for an hour or five hours or over night; again, whatever works for you. 
• Get a babysitter for the kids. Often you may be able to find family that can watch your children for free. We usually get a babysitter that we know from church. Negotiate how much to pay per kid per hour. I have a few older kids that can really help out a lot, but are not quite ready to babysit consistently. We average paying about $5 per hour, and round up a bit. Babysitter costs vary by demographics. I have also found that most 12-14 year old girls are the best babysitters.
• Double date. Encourage friends to come along and enrich their marriage too.
• If it doesn't work (financially or otherwise) to go out, put the kids in bed and play a game, watch a movie, have dessert or get some take-out from a restaurant and have a date in your own home.
• You can be simple or elaborate with your date nights. We often just go get dinner and dessert, but sometimes go to a movie or go grocery shopping together. We also try to go to the temple together about once a month--to remember covenants, or promises, we made that will help us ensure our family can be together forever, not just until we leave this life.
• Spend time talking, writing love notes, or just being tender with each other.
• Also, http://www.thedatingdivas.com/ have a myriad of great ideas that are cheap, free, easy, fun and can fit into anyone's lifestyle. This is a great resource to help get you started or feed you new ideas to strengthen your marriage and relationship with your spouse.

Whether you've been married for one year or seventy years, remaining close to your spouse is crucial. Become and stay best friends and be blissfully happy. Do it for yourself, for each other, and for your family. You'll be glad you did! And besides, dating is fun! Not all work is hard work. :)

©Wendy 2013

A Guide for Summer Sanity

It's summer. The kids are out of school and are perpetually bored, whiny, and fighting with each other. Bedtime somehow comes later and later. It's a recipe for parental insanity.

Here's a few ideas to hopefully mellow out the negative aspects of summer and possibly create some great memories while you're at it.

• Get out of the house. I can't say this one enough. When everyone is cooped up under one roof, it just begs for getting on each other's nerves. Whatever it is you want to do, go do it! Make sure it's fun and feasible. 
• Find a schedule to keep consistency at home. My schedules are pretty lax, but I make sure everyone gets dressed every day--at the very least. Do whatever works for you and your kids. Keep chores regular. 
• Encourage play dates!! Nothing changes the dynamics of the house quite like having an extra kid over to play (or one of your own gone playing elsewhere works great too). 
• Schedule your own "me" time. This is really important. You can't take care of others if you don't have anything to give. You have to refill yourself. I go to the gym and read while I exercise. Also, talk to your spouse about taking a day to shop, eat with a friend, get a massage or pedicure. Having a break doesn't make you a bad mom; In fact, getting time to recharge probably makes you a great mom!

Some free or cheap ideas to do with your kids to keep them happy are:

• Visit your local library. You can check out books, attend story time, and most libraries have children's sections where they can do puzzles or other activities.
• Going along with the library, read to your kids. I have been amazed that my 2 and almost 4 year old will sit and listen to me read for 20, 30 or 40 minutes--or longer!
• Get the wiggles out at the park. Get some sun, get out of the house, and have fun!
• Have a picnic.
• Invite some friends over for water fun in your backyard.
• Make homemade popsicles or snow cones.
• Play games or sports in the backyard.
• Go to a local splash pad.
• If available, visit zoos or museums in your area.
• Take a day trip to the mountains, or lakes, or another city.
• Make home videos.
• Produce a puppet show.
• Build forts.
• Do small service projects for your neighbors (age appropriate). You may try washing windows, or lawn care or making treats to deliver.
• Write letters (or draw pictures) to members of the military or missionaries from your area.
• Have a lemonade stand or bake sale and plan something fun to do with their earnings.
• Put on a play for the neighborhood.

Remember to enjoy this time with your kids. I know it's hard when they run you ragged and your sanity is on the brink of collapse, but, as everyone always says, you're going to miss this time when they're all grown up.

If you think you're about to lose it, call a friend. Get the kids together and take the opportunity to recharge each other.

One more piece of advice: Date Night. For real. Super important. Talk to your spouse and schedule date night, often. We try to go once a week--whether it's out to eat, a movie, a trip to the temple, or shopping (not our favorite). We also double date with some friends. It's important to find time to reconnect with your spouse, emotionally and physically. And, face it--the kids need a break from you, too!

© Wendy 2013

Don't Give In to Self Doubt

This post may be more for me than anyone else, but I need to put it out there--to say it "out-loud."

Lately, I have been stressing about my writing. I am working on a book, yet I feel so inadequate. I'm at a point where I can't read something without analyzing the writing--comparing it to mine. Every time I read another blog, another article, or a book I think, "Hey, this is good. But, I don't write like that." And then the panic sets in my mind and heart, "What if this isn't something I'm "good" at doing?"

I doubt myself. I doubt my ability to write. I doubt that anyone would even want to read what I write. I fear and I panic.

Maybe it's part of the process.

Then, I try to remember what brought me to this point--the point where I decided I wanted to write and how so many things just fell into place. I think about the people that do read what I write--and may even like what I have to say. I think of things that I have to share which just might help another person in some way.

I think of my "WHY" for writing.

I realize that it's not all going to be easy, but it is something I want to do, something I like doing. Do you have these thoughts about what you enjoy or are pursuing? I think it is important to not give up, or give in to these negative thoughts, but forge ahead, focusing on our goal, and keeping our thoughts positive. Work on and improve your skills. Take classes. Rely on God and, as I said in an earlier post, "Remember WHO would like to see you fail." I think that is the problem exactly...the adversary. We can probably do most anything we put our mind to, but Satan preys on our doubts, fears, insecurities and tells us we can't. But we CAN! We are children of God and probably have abilities beyond our knowledge that we can cultivate and improve and learn.

Go forward and do what you are supposed to do on this earth. Spread more positive in the world. Lift those who need it. Encourage others who are struggling to find their way. Don't doubt, fear, or give up. Be positive, learn, grow, improve and become who God knows we can become, and help others do the same.

© Wendy 2013

School's Out: Bittersweet.

This starts our third week of school being out. I feel like this is one double-edged sword. There's good and bad to having everyone home. Really, I could never home-school because I would be pulling my hair out.

The Bitter:
Six kids. Home all day. Every day. With me. Alone. The fighting, the whining, the laziness.

So who cares if they don't get dressed until noon--if at all? Bedtimes are unfortunately more lax (which makes for a crazier mom). You'd think they would sleep in if they go to bed later, but they don't.

And forget 3 meals a day... it's 3 meals and continual snacking!

Constant boredom. If they can't play on the computer or watch television...there is "nothing to do!"

The dishes, the laundry, the toys and the trash pile up, while my sanity dwindles into nothingness. And, I do work to get my kids to help clean up their mess, but there are lots of threats uttered.

Going grocery shopping has also become a big process. With spirited, curious children, I am constantly trying to stop them from touching everything in the store, running off, or adding extra items to the shopping cart. If I manage to purchase most of what I came for, I guess I'm doing pretty well. More often then not, I forget at least one item we needed.

My two youngest kids have been on a tantrum run...which is sometimes quite humorous. This is our latest that I recorded, instead of losing my cool:

The Sweet:
I don't have to prod my kids out of bed every morning, prod them to get dressed by a certain time, prod them to get their homework done...

The last month of school was agonizing. I think my "work-minded" self is completely done with homework by the time May rolls around. One of my kids had "parent partner" assignments which basically meant I had homework beyond just making sure it got done/checking it. And it was a hard assignment--research, reports, staying in a budget and making a brochure--in 4th grade! I have four kids currently in school, so to take the astronomical amount of time it takes to do that homework along with making sure everyone else got theirs done, and get to all of the end of the year programs, and still cook dinner... well... let's just say miracles are real.

I really don't mind having our days free to do what we want when we want to. It's a nice break from the normal schedules. I also like to spend time with my kiddos--especially when we're not in the middle of some sort of catastrophic meltdown. We love to do fun things together, and summer break allows for that freedom.

School is out for about 2 1/2 months. We will fill our days with going to the park, doing our local library summer reading program, taking trips--both day and overnight, and just trying to enjoy not having school and getting to spend time together.

And, of course, luckily I'll have some Dr. Pepper to help get me through it all. :) Hang in there, Moms!! I'm always glad to know that I am not the only one who does not love summer break 100%. I don't think it makes me a bad mom to need/want a break from my kids either. I think we just do what we need to do and only do what we can. I have learned to not become overly frustrated by all of the things that I think I should be doing, or by all of the amazing things I see other moms do that I do not do. I take care of my kids--feed them, clothe them and love them. It's the best I can do. Different days are packed with different battles, but we can make it through--one day at a time. If nothing else, there's always bedtime, and we can move it up an hour. ;)

© Wendy 2013